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So my wife likes being tied up. End of story lol. I spent about 2 days learning knots and techniques to tie her up with.

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Some advice for newbie to bondage?

I've seen hundreds of Reddit comments from females saying that they love to be tied up, gagged, spanked, whipped, hit, choked, etc, and that it really turns them on. I've never understood this -- if it hurts, why is it a turn on?

Note: I'm not trying to convince anyone that they shouldn't enjoy these things -- it's an opinion, and your sexytimes yes, I said it won't affect my life. Kudos to you that you've found something you enjoy. I'm just genuinely curious, so I'm asking honest questions. Pain is just this indescribable boost of intensity when it's in a sexual context. For me, being willing to completely submit to my partner's desires is the biggest form of pleasure. It's hard to describe why. It's another level of vulnerability beyond just being naked and touching parts.

Thanks for the reply! I have a question that would kind of elaborate on this, if you don't mind. You said that it pleases you most when you submit to all of your partner's desires during sex So say your partner wants to slap you in the face during sex, and you enjoy it and it's all good. But if he wants to slap you in the face when it isn't sexual, you'd be upset, right?

I'm just having trouble understanding where the line is drawn, and why. So part of it is the mentality that women give to their partners? The more they give the happier their partner. Where does it stop?

What does 2, spanks get that 1, doesn't? It's quite hard to describe exactly why rough sex can be so appealing. There's the knowledge that your very sweet, customarily gentle boyfriend wants you so intensely and with so much immediacy that he just needs to have you Submitting control and letting your partner essentially use you for their own pleasure - also a huge turn-on. The thought of being dominated, taken, possessed Even simple things, like him telling me "I want you to do Seeing your man be powerful and assertive, whilst still feeling incredible safe, is such an amazing feeling.

In terms of the bondage sex reddit itself, it can often just intensify the feelings that are already there Knowing that neither of you can control yourselves when you're with each other You just made me really miss my gf. She loves it when I'm like that. I don't get to see her again until next week because of school and work. I sort of hate you right now lol. You use that example instead of me telling you to "put me inside you.

Even I got a kick out of saying that! Im not a big pain person. Especially faked rape scenes since I was raped. But I like strong rough sex, im very submissive and like hair pulling. Hair pulling and rough sex isn't violent? Or even painful? I like it when there is mild pain that is eventually dwarfed by the pleasure, and then they meld together into this indescribable sensation that is neither and both at the same time.

I like to be roughly dominated and fucked until I can't stand it and I'm begging for it to end. But then I get told, "No. I'm not done. Luckily I have a partner who is willing and capable of indulging these desires of mine. The vulnerability to my partner is a turn on, the fact that I'm at their mercy and must take it just turns my pussy into a wet mess. And I would have it no other way.

Lack of control. I feel so burdened by the stresses of life in general, that having someone else take all responsibility and call the shots- while it would otherwise frustrate me and make me feel uneasy- is so freeing sexually.

So getting to play the "slut" in the safety of an understood role-play, getting thrown around in bed and getting to act on the idea of being the ultimate sex-pot that I didn't get around to until the past few years, is insanely hot and a huge turn. Everyone seems to have a pretty good time. I have always been a control person. My natural instincts tell me to stay home behind locked doors and not communicate with anyone.

But from very early on I managed to turn this around in my head. If I stay home and hide in a world I know I can control, I would never be able to feel safe.

I would never know when those walls could cave in and I would be forced to deal with the world. So instead I have made it a habit to push my limits and go against my instincts. For every time I have pushed past a personal limit and either managed to stay in control of the situation or regain control, I feel more safe.

When it comes to bonding with other people and more specifically my sexlife, these things affect me as well. In all my relations to other people I tend to focus on the power exchange that happens. A positive relation to another person for me means being able to push past my natural instinct of not trusting anyone and actually give them something of myself; a little bit of control over my life.

Giving up control is a big thing for me and very closely related to love. So when it comes to sex, power and control becomes a really strong factor. What turns me on is playing with power; almost like a dance. If I "push" a little, I want to feel a push back. I also want to feel that they know their own strength and know not to push too hard.

As to the part with pain and hurt and bruises, I really get that it must sound ridiculous that it makes me bondage sex reddit safe.

There are two sides of it; knowing myself better and knowing him better. Whenever I have gone through something really hard and challenging and gotten through it all right it makes me feel stronger, tougher and thereby more safe and more ready to meet the world. I look at my bruises in kind of the same way as I look at the sore muscles after doing extreme sport or I look at my dark shadows under the eyes after weeks of bondage sex reddit work on an exam paper. In relation to him, it makes me feel that he knows and understands me when he is able to push my limits without going too far.

I feel safer with him knowing that he knows me that well. TL;DR Control is key for me. I really have no idea why some of the stuff you mentioned turns me on, sometimes I feel like it shouldn't. But if I'm with the right guy, the experience is incredible and intimate and emotional and powerful.

I'm not sure I would enjoy it with just anyone, but I really like it with my husband because we are always on totally equal footing outside the bedroom--we both have jobs and earn the same and share the chores, etc. So when he gets all manly and assertive in the bedroom it's super hot for me, and let's me know that I'm so sexy that he can't help but go kind of caveman.

It's like I drive him so wild he can't control himself, and it makes me feel so sexy and femininely powerful. I dont particularly like them actually.

People's sexual preferences are a lot more varied that people think. A lot of it has to do with trust. Think about it- you'd have to trust someone immensely to be able to ask them to hurt you. You just don't find that kind of trust with every hookup you pick off the street.

Ladies, what turns you on so much about rough sex/bdsm/fake rape scenes, etc? (x-post r/askreddit)

It's a very special thing. With kinks and fetishes, you don't have a clear-cut, ah-ha reason why you like it. You can guess at pieces of why and you might be right, but just asking 'hey why is BDSM hot at root' is not going to be definitively answerable.